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113 Thoughts I had While Watching Netflix’s Death Note

September 29, 2017
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Ugh okay. I’m going balls to the wall: time to watch Netflix’s Death Note.

Is this Death Note taking place in America by any chance?

CHEERLEADING! FOOTBALL! ‘MERICA!

Yo Light, you’re like, doing hair all wrong.

Yep, definetly America with all this weird weather.

The Death Note appearing right beside Light so abruptly makes it seem like it’s his to have. One of the most interesting things about the anime is that it all happens by accident. Dammit, I’m already irritated.

American bullies, man. I’m scared of them and I’ve only ever spent a week in a US high school. Fun fact: they did a security lockdown while we were there and I still do not know to this day if they did it just to show us British kids how swanky their security systems were.

So he got punched in the face and is now in trouble in the principal’s office?

Aaaaah, have to show his sense of justice. Gotcha.

Aw man, dead mum alert.

Just chuck the books on the floor then. Ass.

I’m not even mad about what’s happened to this bloke so far.

That apple went to The Twilight School of being unnaturally red.

Why does a high school have that many marbles? Who’s the weird kid getting all these marbles taken off him?

I can already tell Ryuk is the best part of this film.

Light you scream like a girl, but fair I’d run too.

Anime Light wouldn’t and didn’t do any of this shit. I know this movie isn’t remaking the anime but c’mon, who even is this character?

To be fair, the day’s events would inspire a dream of this nature I imagine.

Those guys are full on felons Jesus Christ, who is that dedicated to being an asshole?

I’m having Juno flashbacks: TEENAGERS DON’T TALK LIKE THIS.

Wow, he just came up with decapitation real quick.

That was Final Destination level tomfoolery.

Who would purchase that house right next to the train tracks? Not a police chief, that’s who.

MOM’S DEAD.

DEAD MOM.

This dad is super understanding and normal, A+ parenting so far.

Ryuk is so unnecessarily creepy in this film. In a good way.

Has an apple ever been eaten on film by someone who isn’t a total gimp? Yes, I’m including Snow White.

Oh Christ that animation is… err… different.

Right, that’s it. I’m changing to anime gifs.

Would a newspaper (yes, newspaper) headline really refer to a dead woman as “cop’s wife”? Because wow.

Aaaaaand now I’m terrified of cutlery.

Rule 1 of Parenting a Teenager: Don’t walk into their room unannounced.

HAHAHA SO FUNNY DEAD MAN.

RIP Kenny.

Oh, RIP mob boss bad driver fork man.

Are you Misa because you don’t look like the leading female role in this story?

HE WAS GOING TO LET THIS RANDOM SEE RYUK?

HE’S GOING TO TELL HER ABOUT IT?

LIGHT WE’VE ALL GOT SHINIGAMI WE JUST DON’T TALK ABOUT THEM ON OUR FIRST DATES.

I’m so confused. Are they actually going to Bonnie and Clyde this shit?

Hahahhahahahaha that is not how human bodies work fam

It was in that moment that Mia got real hot for murder. Because. Reeeeeasoooooons.

MOM DEAD.

That’s a whole lotta gum she’s got going on. In fact, all I know about Mia so far is she goes to school, just believes things, like murder and has big gums.

There’s not going to be any Rem, is there?

Netflix says: always ask for consent.

Jesus. Lord. Ryuk.

I hate everything about this. I’m playing Fallout Shelter.

So Light is only doing this to impress a girl? That’s his overall character motivation? cool cool cool cool cool

I don’t even think they’re using TOR for God’s sake. And not one potato chip eating scene.

Everything went all Mother! real quick. This pacing is absolutely bonkers.

I swear if that’s L I’m going to be so disappointed.

AAAAH HIRO! Maybe, am I racist? Give me a minute… NO YAY HIRO YAY NOT RACIST.

Eating candy. It’s L.

He’s just… out there, doing hands-on detective work. WITH HIS FACE HANGING OUT.

Tf is Japanese Alfred?

Oh, good singing yes do that.

Is it Kira-hunting season for all the cops in the world or just this city police department?

Is he Japanese Alfred or Japanese Lucius, I can’t decide.

I thought they just said Pappa Light and L had worked together before?

How? How do you know he’s operating in Seattle?

Urgh, I hate these two loads. I know she’s supposed to be wackadoo but Light’s supposed to not care. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED WITH HARLEY AND THE JOKER IN SUICIDE SQUAD. Y DO U KEP DOIN THS?

Teehee, L sits like L.

This would be so much better as a series. Or an anime.

Ah fair enough, L found Kira because Light is a total noob accessing his dad’s files.

I know I had the news as my main channel on my bedroom television as a teenager. Always.

Ryuk is still number one. Followed by L. Then no one except maybe number one Dad. Then his dead wiafu.

Japanese Alfius is named Atari???? Is that racist????

So far, the only evidence of Light being bright is that he can do high school level mathematics.

Why has Mia come as Tim Burton’s Willy Wonka?

She would literally never walk out on Light, and especially not because she was being stroppy with him. I don’t understand any of the character motivations in this film. Is it to make Light seem more sympathetic because really he’s just coming off as stupid?

NOOOO NOT AGENT FRANKS NOOO. Like I give a shit.

That is full on grim mate.

I wonder if Ryuk was watching Light and Mia.

Unless L has a kettle or something under that turtleneck I reckon I could point him out in a crowd.

L you sassy bastard listen to Mr Miagi, he knows best.

Oh yeah throw remote viewing and latent psychic abilities and I’m all in! L, wanna listen to Coast to Coast AM with me?

The standing in the rain moment. All we need now is a high school dance.

There’s the psycho Mia I was waiting for. Mia-Mia love Light-Kun.

Oh, Watari. Oops.

Hahahaha

L COMING TO YOUR FAMILY DINNER FUCKING UP YOUR NICE AMBIENCE.

Theeeeeeeeere’s the high school dance. *sigh*

You know, this whole orphanage thing is dumb but interesting I’ll give them that.

Obviously, he wants your name L. OBVIOUSLY. IF YOU CALMED DOWN YOU’D PROBS KNOW THAT.

How is there still 30 minutes left after the dance.

Wouldn’t it be just as likely for Mia to be Kira?

Did it say his name was Elfen-something?

Poor Watari. Wait, did Light literally just write “Watari” in the Death Note? Is he like Cher or Moses? Why would L let everyone know his Japanese daddy’s name?

I’d kill Mia.

That is one anime-ass looking weapon!

She could have at least repainted her nails for the dance, geez.

Light runs worse than I do.

L and Light are menaces to the Asian community.

I have no idea what is happening? How did she get there first? Why would you go to the Ferris wheel?

I know this is an American adaptation but it is sooooo damn American. Ameridamn.

Why are all the fully-armed police chasing them when they were told to protect Light? And L is allowed there now too I guess okay. lol.

I’ve just realised L is literally the only person who thinks Light is Kira. Who gives a shit?

And we’re back to the girly screaming.

Get. Away. From. The. Open. Doorway.

So much cringe. Wow. Thanks The Wind.

Ha, the Death Note is like Jumanji.

Oh no you don’t, don’t you think you can undermine L you stupid movie!

Why in the dickens is the weird fisherman there and being so conspicuous. How did even find the Death Note? How did he find Light? WHAT?

So surely everything points to it having been Mia then?

I actually have some sorts of feelings. Sort of. Other than nausea.

Now his dad knows too? Did they even watch Death Note or did they just get the clip notes? The Death Note is not a super power that you share with everyone!

Can Netflix even do a thing without 80s soft rock? Did you know Stranger Things 2 is coming out soon?

Ah, alright ignore what I said about the fire and the weird man and that.

Oh good a cliffhanger yay!

Oh. Oh. Do they think they’re getting a sequel? Is there a scene missing? Eh?

Don’t think these cute behind the scenes moments will save you Netflix’s Death Note, I am not as merciful as Kira.

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